My First (College) Love

Being in love SUCKS. Unrequited loved SUCKS MORE. And being thrown off of a cliff would probably SUCK THE MOST. So, let's start this post with some optimism: At least I have never been thrown off a cliff before :).

I try to do the "tough girl" act as if I don't have feelings. Some people believe it until they get to know me and they know how much of a softy I really am. I love puppies, babies, my puppy, my future babies, wine, cooking, and making stuff. This is in addition to my love of makeup, beauty, and clothes.

I swear I wasn't always tough. Some assholes and ex-friends had to go and break my heart. So then, I get upset and I fix myself back together with the intent of not letting anybody break my heart again. Guess what happens? Yeah, yeah, yeah, please I'll take the tissue you're about to offer me *sniffle sniffle.*

So I get to college and I think "Not this time, I swear."

Logically, it happens.

I met this guy... thinking about our history makes me want to cry and throw my laptop at his head. We never dated, which is probably what makes things worse, but I considered him one of my best friends. I'm wary on posting this because I'd probably rip my heart out if he saw this, but I also just need to talk about it because I'm about to go "let me watch horror movies, anti love movies, eat all the food in the world, and cry about boys" mode and for the love of all the body progress I've been making (and the fact that this would not be healthy for anybody I would manage to rope in,) I decided to write about it.

I really want to write about every single memory I can remember, but I think I've tortured myself enough by replaying them countless times.

I don't know, guys, he was kinda perfect for me, or at least I thought so. We had comfortable silences, I loved just watching him, he was there when I needed him, he was (disturbingly) funny (in his own ways,) and he was just a good person. And when we hugged, OH MY GOD, it was as satisfying as placing the missing puzzle piece in an almost finished masterpiece. Such a lame analogy, but that's how I felt.

Then, something happened. I don't know what. I have my guesses and theories, but I just don't know. We stopped being friends. To me, it felt extremely abrupt, as if somebody (him) just snapped our connection, not even in half, but just on his side, leaving me with all these painful memories. And do you know what's funny? The minute I felt our friendship die, his twitter profile picture (it was us, the cutest picture of us EVER) was changed to one of just himself. LAME.

I should show you the Twitter picture because it was really the cutest picture ever (he even said it was one of his favorites AND HE HAD IT SAVED ON HIS DESKTOP)... But for the sake of his privacy, let's not.

So, I really don't know what went wrong. Was it me? Was it him? Was it an outside force? I know I could just ask him but let's be real about how the convo will go.

Me: "Hey... So... Why did we stop being friends?"
Him: "I was busy. We should catch up."
Me: "Awesome, okay."

And then we catch up and that's the extent of our conversation. I mean, I could always be like "I LOVED YOU WHAT HAPPENED!" But in what world has that ever turned out okay for anybody?

Yeah, thought so.

I can assure you... After him, nobody has entered my heart as he did. I keep guys away at arm's length, like back at my middle school Catholic school dances. I barely even give friends a chance. I'm all messed up but I made a promise to myself to be more open this upcoming school year, so we will see how that goes.

Paleo Kitchen: Trail Mix

I don't know why I felt the need to make a post on this, but I really did feel obliged to do so. When I created this, I could have sworn I discovered fire (or somebody's mixtape hahaha.) Like, who knew trail mix was so easy to make? NOT I. Actually, I was never a big fan of trail mix anyways soooooo...

I was starving at my friend's house and she had trail mix and I was like "I CAN ONLY EAT THE CASHEWS AND RAISINS." And she was like "Why don't you make your own?" And I was like ":O."

So I did. I made some trail mix and I put it in a bowl so that I can snack on it during the work day! I'll give you a place to begin, but it's so much fun to experiment!

Trail Mix

Ingredients

• 1 ounce cashews (~16 pieces)
• 2 ounces almonds (~32 pieces)
• 1 ounce organic unsweetened coconut flakes
• 1/2 ounce 100% cacao chips

Instructions

• Mix them together
• Eat over the course of a day
• :D

Like, this looks goooooooodddd. Next time, I'm going to add some raisins or dried cranberries. Maybe some other dried fruits. It needs some sugar to pick me up. But I make this for work 1-2 times a week and I'll eat a little every 30 minutes or so to keep me not hungry :).

Lost Connections: Mystery Man

I brought along my laptop to vacation because I was determined that I was going to keep you guys updated about my time in Europe.

Then I got there and yeah, well, no. It's not that I didn't want to, but my day to day was not nearly as exciting as I thought it would be.

Unfortunately I did not meet an international popstar in Italy or my doppelgänger. Plus, nobody gave me a hunkin' huge piece of cheese.

Nor did I want to constantly complain about my parents and talk about the history I do not know about the monuments we visited, so I decided to scrap the project.

But then I met a guy... I'm laughing because if you personally know me, my greatest/weirdest/most WTF stories usually involve one of two elements: boys or alcohol. Some stories involve both and it is just too much to handle, for reals.

So I met a guy. HE WAS PERFECT (for a short term fling while on vacation.) He said he graduated from Columbia University in NYC on a basketball scholarship. Then he said he was going to Columbia Law to study international and maritime law. Normally, I don't usually question what people tell me unless they have a reason to lie. I really don't think I'm a person who looks like I need to be impressed by big names: heck, people still think I'm in high school! And it's not like where I told him where I go to school, so it's not like he needed to up me. I guess you can be whoever you want to be on vacation, but if you're going to be somebody else, you should do some research.

First rule of tall tales: make sure it can't be easily falsified. Easy google search of his name, Columbia, basketball roster turned up nothing. Like, absolutely nothing. I don't normally stalk guys on Google unless I want something more than a one week fling, but his story just wasn't adding up. I go to a school that incites some serious reactions from people. I don't know why, it just does. So when I eventually told him where I went, he was like "Oh. Where's that? Oh. Okay......?"

Yeah, no, huge red flag right there.

For the sake of his attractiveness, the fact that (some) intellectual things actually came out of his mouth, and his hips moving in a godly way, I ignored this first red flag and continued pursuing him. Nothing happened between us (because I'm lame and do a thing where I avidly avoid people.) But then after our second encounter and another red flag (the fact that he said he studied political science but didn't know Obama was in his second term... dude) I made my friends investigate. When they turned up nothing, I became rly 'spicious.

Part of me was like "HE SKETCHY HE A SERIAL KILLER HE SHADY SHIT" but the other part of me was like "This guy who looks extremely attractive with a body of 8/10 and amazing dance moves is talking to ME." So I pushed things away because a hot guy was talking to me.

You know, I should really work on my self-confidence. What if he preys on girls who think less of themselves like me and then kills them? If I had died, I would have wanted Keke Palmer or Gabrielle Union to play me in the Lifetime movie.

Even with all these red flags, I was still kinda infatuated by him. At the moment, I was not 100% sure he was lying. It wasn't until I did my own research (because my friends didn't know what he looked him) that I was like "THAT DIRTY LIAR." Yet, still, he continues to be on my mind, as made evident by the fact that I am writing a blog entry about him.

So, if you know this man, please let me know. I have a few words I'd like to tell him.

Paleo Kitchen: Fried Cauliflower Rice

This shit ain't pretty, but it's yummy, so that's truly all that matters in this case.

I have HATED cauliflower up until I went paleo. Now, I tolerate it, but I can only do so if it is prepared well. So, I decided to make some fried rice with it. It was a little bit soft, but I'll work on that. If you decide to make this and you have tips, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. Kk, thanks.

Cauliflower Fried Rice 

Ingredients (for 3-4 people)

• 6 ounces of organic mixed veggies (mine have corn, peas, beans, carrots, but you can usually whatever you want. My mother likes it with lima beans and broccoli. Low-key, I'd rather starve than eat those. YUCK.)
• 1 cup uncooked cauliflower rice (made by shredding a cauliflower)
• 1 chicken breast, cooked, cut into small cubes
• 1 chicken sausage link, cooked, cut into small pieces
• 4 cloves minced garlic
• 1 ounce onions
• Sea Salt
• 1-2 tbsp tamari sauce
• 2 eggs
• 2 tbsp olive oil 

Instructions 

• Heat up 1 tbsp of olive oil in a wok on medium heat
• Add the garlic and the onions and let cook for 3-4 minutes
• Add the mixed veggies and let cook for 3 minutes.
• Then add the chicken breast and sausage. 
• Sprinkle some salt.
• Push to one side of the wok and scramble your eggs on the other side. You want your eggs to be cooked and then cut into smaller pieces before mixing it with your stir fry.
• Add a tablespoon of the tamari sauce and then remove the stir fry mixture and place on a plate or in a bowl.
• Heat up another tbsp of olive oil before adding the cauliflower rice. Add some salt. Cook for 4-5 minutes.
• On high heat, add a tbsp of tamari sauce and mix until the rice is a light brown.
• Add the stir fry and mix until it looks even.
• Cook over high heat for another minute or two, making sure to keep on mixing it every now and then.

Look. Yum. It's comfort food,  but it's made out of organic food and cauliflower.

:D

Paleo Kitchen: Avocado Egg Basket

Ask anybody... I am NOT partial to avocados. I usually skip the guac unless it is just filled with parsley, cilantro, tomatillos, and onions. Also, I need like 500 chips for an ounce of guac. And I just don't eat avocados. And that was just because I didn't know how to eat them.

Did you know that they taste good with eggs? I didn't. Good for you if you did. I stumbled upon a recipe where you crack an egg into the avocado and bake it. I tried that. It failed miserably. I won't even entertain you with pictures of the horrid attempt. So I scratched that and tried something else (because for some reason I was gung ho on eating an avocado.)

I scrambled the eggs and avocado together and it turned out PERFFFFFect.

This recipe is great for doing things on the run. Mix it, pop it in, go do something else, come back to it, and eat it.

 Avocado Egg Basket 

Ingredients (for 2 people)

• 1 ripe avocado, halved, pitted
• 2 large eggs
• 1 tbsp goat*, almond, or coconut milk
• Sea salt
• Parsley

Instructions 

• Preheat the oven to 425 degrees
• Scrape out the avocado meat (do we call it meat?) into a bowl. You don't have to fully scrape it out. I find that leaving a thin layer makes the dish very good.
• Mix in the eggs, milk, salt, and parsley (and whatever spices/meats you like!)
• Make sure the mixture is not too chunky (I usually use an electric blender)
• Then pour the mixture back into the avocado shell. You will notice that you have leftover... At this point, I usually transfer it to a tiny oven safe dish or a cupcake tinfoil (great way to make portable egg muffins!)
• I put the avocado in a bread loaf pan because it allows the avocado to stand up well without falling over. And then you can place the tinfoil in there too!
• Then I let it bake for 15-20 minutes.
• After removing it, I topped mine with shredded ham and shredded goat* cheese.
• Enjoy ;).

I'll usually take a shower in those 15-20 minutes and then come down and eat my breakfast. Yum. I say 2 people because 1 avocado basket and then part of the egg muffin with a glass of coconut milk and a side of fruits usually does the trick for me. Other times I just eat both baskets and give the extra eggs to my brother who eats it with his gluten-free bread and milk. It's up to you and your appetite!

I wonder what else I can bake my eggs in...

*Goat milk isn't paleo but it is primal and I use raw, organic, grass-fed goat milk. It has a strong taste but it complements eggs so wonderfully in my opinion! My brother drinks it regularly, but I'll only use it in my eggs. I found unflavored almond or coconut milk works well to give the eggs a good milky flavor :).

#TBT: The Time I Had Clubbing Withdrawals

I kind of miss the #TBT Thursday series, but I never updated them anyways, so definitely not worth it. If I can get enough #TBT posts, maybe I'll restart the tab :).

So this past weekend, I went to see The Maccabees in concert and then went to UltraBar with my friends.

It was "disgustingly fun." That is the word I've been using to describe my night to anybody who asked (or didn't ask. I like to keep people updated on my life whether they ask or not.)

First off, I was looking fleekish AS HELL (do you think people will still say on fleek, fleeky, fleekish, etc in the future? Probably not.)

Like, I was looking gooooddddd. Black short sleeve crop top from Wet Seal and white floral skort from Kohl's. Y'all didn't know me in my less toned days, but I came a long way from starting paleo and doing cardio at least 3 times a week a month ago! I fucked up my lashes when I first put them on (as evident in the left eye), but I fixed them and added some lipstick.

Like, I kinda look sweaty, but I still look 100%. That red lipstick is life. I wear it with everything. I call it my neutral lip. It's NARS Audacious Lipstick in Charlotte ($32.) I've never used a lipstick more lavish and amazing before in my life. End of story. If you get anything from this post, get the lipstick.

So my friend and I ventured out to DC to go see The Maccabee's, a British rock/alternative band. We left late but we caught half their set.

The bassist to the far right is super cute in a tall, dark, classic way. The drummer (not pictured, sorry baby) is also super cute in a blonde, blue-eyed, tall, preppy but I wear straight skinny jeans instead of khakis and chinos, way. They were goooooddd. But then the set ended at like 9:30.

We were in DC at 9:30 pm. The Pride Parade was going on that day so there were a bunch of people in the streets. We still had no idea what to do. So, I texted my friends who were in DC to see what they were up to. THEY WANTED TO GO CLUBBING #YES.

Now if you know me, you know I frequent Shooters a lot. If you don't know me, you have no idea what I just said. I like to go to Shooters, a Western style club/bar. It's "disgustingly fun." I'm telling you, this is a great adjective to use all the time. Now, I like to say that I dislike Shooters, but deep down, there's a place in my heart for it. One thing I knew to be true, I need to get my fix of dancing and sweating with friends and guys trying to buy me drinks. I never realized I missed it until I missed it.

SOOOO We went clubbing #YOLO.

Look, my girls and I are fleekish. ALSO LET'S TAKE THIS TIME TO LOOK AT MY BODY. IT's shaping up and I am so happy *tear face happy face*. I am wearing a CROP TOP because my abs are on 90%. They aren't 100 yet, but they look good in a crop top, so that's all that matters now. Plus, my boobs are looking 100. Like I don't know what happened but they're kinda very awesome.

I used my fake to get in (even though I wasn't going to buy drinks.) The amount of guys who have asked to buy me drinks and dance with me. Dude, I felt so hot. These weren't ugly guys too. They reeked of desperation, but they weren't ugly. But I just wanted to dance with my fleeky girls and have fun. I let guys dance on me for the heck of it, but wasn't feeling dancing with them.

At one point, one of my friends and I got onto a bar to start dancing. Ah... Just like Shooters <3.

There was this one guy who was actually like "WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO DANCE WITH ME? YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL!" And I was like "No." And he was like "What do you want? A bottle of champagne? I'll buy you one!" And I was like "Naaahhhh." But he never understood what "NO!" meant. I felt a bit stalked on the dance floor because he was ALWAYS THERE. At one point, he was making out with a girl, made eye contact with me, and then left her to try to talk to me again.

Bruh. Nah.

The worst part is... As I'm trying to escape him, there are even cuter and hotter guys who are making eye contact with me and we smile across the dance floor. I SHIT YOU NOT THIS HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE. But because of the creep, they'd smile and then they'd walk away. Is there anyway to send a distress signal without crying?

I had to convince myself that it was OKAY that I was MISSING OUT ON HOT GUYS because I just wanted to dance with my friends. I'm still trying to convince myself. I'll get over it soon, maybe.

Overall, it was "disgustingly fun." Fun but hella sweaty :).

Well, that was a super fun Saturday night <3.

Paleo Kitchen: Chardonnay Shrimp Scampi

There are actually no words to describe my love of shrimp scampi and Chardonnay. So, I decided to put them together because why not? It's paleo... right? (Maybe not 100% the wine, but... it's wine. Isn't it essential to life? I think Cavemen and cavewomen alike would make multiple exceptions.)

Can I just complain for a quick second? I LOVE SHRIMP! WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE CALORIE FILLED? Damn things. I mean like... 6 large/extra large pieces for 140 calories. I can low-key easily eat like 18 pieces of shrimp soooooooo.... Stackin' up them caloriessssss. I try to only eat shrimp like 4 times a month (aka every other week and then the next day for leftovers, yum.)

Also... It is just SO TEMPTING to snack on the shrimp as you're making them. The best chef always tastes her own food from time to time ;). But these tasty little morsels are just... Well, gotta taste them all, right?

JUST LOOK AT HOW APPETIZING THEY ARE #YUM.

Okay, let me give y'all the recipe because that's why you're probably reading this hahaha.

Chardonnay Shrimp Scampi

Ingredients

• 2 pounds of thawed, raw, unshelled shrimp (any size shrimp works, but I personally love the large/extra large ones)
• 4 cloves minced garlic
• 2 tbsp garlic oil
• 1/2 diced tomato
• 6 ounces of Chardonnay (cheap is fine, the world will continue. I use Oak Leaf. They're like $3-5/bottle!!!)
• 3 tbsp coconut oil (or ghee, but the coconut oil is just as good)
• 1 diced jalapeno
• 1 tsp sea salt
• 1 tbsp parsley (I love parsley, so I'm never parse on it, hehe)
• 2 tbsp lemon juice or the juice from 1 lemon
• Lemon zest from 1 lemon

Instructions 

• Heat up the olive oil in a large sauce pan on medium heat.
• Throw in the garlic and jalapenos for 3-4 minutes (If the smell of jalapenos bother you, then wait to throw them in!)
• Throw in the tomatoes. (Then throw in the jalapenos if you didn't put them initially!)
• Add the coconut oil (or ghee)
• Throw in the shrimp and cook for about 1-2 minutes.
• Add the salt and parsley.
• Add the lemon juice.
• Throw in the Chardonnay. Then cover and let sit for 4-5 minutes.
• Uncover and then add the lemon zest. Mix.
• Lower the heat until it simmers and let it simmer for about 10 minutes with the cover half on.

Salad 

Okay, this was boring, but it photographs so beautifully. I only used romaine lettuce, carrots (which I peeled to make small ribbons), and raw onions. Then I used the sauce from the shrimp as my dressing. And then topped it off with shrimp (and extra parsley!) 

The whole thing was yummy! Not all too filling, so make sure to add a side of veggies! I had baby carrots and green beans on the side that were tossed in the sauce :).

So, these instructions and ingredients might not work for you, but that's fine. I'm not one to stick to recipes and neither should you. Cooking is so much more fun when you are inspired by something and then free hand the rest! I don't even actually use measuring utensils, so everything listed is a rough estimate, hehehe. I hope you enjoy it though :D!