My First (College) Love

Being in love SUCKS. Unrequited loved SUCKS MORE. And being thrown off of a cliff would probably SUCK THE MOST. So, let's start this post with some optimism: At least I have never been thrown off a cliff before :).

I try to do the "tough girl" act as if I don't have feelings. Some people believe it until they get to know me and they know how much of a softy I really am. I love puppies, babies, my puppy, my future babies, wine, cooking, and making stuff. This is in addition to my love of makeup, beauty, and clothes.

I swear I wasn't always tough. Some assholes and ex-friends had to go and break my heart. So then, I get upset and I fix myself back together with the intent of not letting anybody break my heart again. Guess what happens? Yeah, yeah, yeah, please I'll take the tissue you're about to offer me *sniffle sniffle.*

So I get to college and I think "Not this time, I swear."

Logically, it happens.

I met this guy... thinking about our history makes me want to cry and throw my laptop at his head. We never dated, which is probably what makes things worse, but I considered him one of my best friends. I'm wary on posting this because I'd probably rip my heart out if he saw this, but I also just need to talk about it because I'm about to go "let me watch horror movies, anti love movies, eat all the food in the world, and cry about boys" mode and for the love of all the body progress I've been making (and the fact that this would not be healthy for anybody I would manage to rope in,) I decided to write about it.

I really want to write about every single memory I can remember, but I think I've tortured myself enough by replaying them countless times.

I don't know, guys, he was kinda perfect for me, or at least I thought so. We had comfortable silences, I loved just watching him, he was there when I needed him, he was (disturbingly) funny (in his own ways,) and he was just a good person. And when we hugged, OH MY GOD, it was as satisfying as placing the missing puzzle piece in an almost finished masterpiece. Such a lame analogy, but that's how I felt.

Then, something happened. I don't know what. I have my guesses and theories, but I just don't know. We stopped being friends. To me, it felt extremely abrupt, as if somebody (him) just snapped our connection, not even in half, but just on his side, leaving me with all these painful memories. And do you know what's funny? The minute I felt our friendship die, his twitter profile picture (it was us, the cutest picture of us EVER) was changed to one of just himself. LAME.

I should show you the Twitter picture because it was really the cutest picture ever (he even said it was one of his favorites AND HE HAD IT SAVED ON HIS DESKTOP)... But for the sake of his privacy, let's not.

So, I really don't know what went wrong. Was it me? Was it him? Was it an outside force? I know I could just ask him but let's be real about how the convo will go.

Me: "Hey... So... Why did we stop being friends?"
Him: "I was busy. We should catch up."
Me: "Awesome, okay."

And then we catch up and that's the extent of our conversation. I mean, I could always be like "I LOVED YOU WHAT HAPPENED!" But in what world has that ever turned out okay for anybody?

Yeah, thought so.

I can assure you... After him, nobody has entered my heart as he did. I keep guys away at arm's length, like back at my middle school Catholic school dances. I barely even give friends a chance. I'm all messed up but I made a promise to myself to be more open this upcoming school year, so we will see how that goes.

Paleo Kitchen: Trail Mix

I don't know why I felt the need to make a post on this, but I really did feel obliged to do so. When I created this, I could have sworn I discovered fire (or somebody's mixtape hahaha.) Like, who knew trail mix was so easy to make? NOT I. Actually, I was never a big fan of trail mix anyways soooooo...

I was starving at my friend's house and she had trail mix and I was like "I CAN ONLY EAT THE CASHEWS AND RAISINS." And she was like "Why don't you make your own?" And I was like ":O."

So I did. I made some trail mix and I put it in a bowl so that I can snack on it during the work day! I'll give you a place to begin, but it's so much fun to experiment!

Trail Mix

Ingredients

• 1 ounce cashews (~16 pieces)
• 2 ounces almonds (~32 pieces)
• 1 ounce organic unsweetened coconut flakes
• 1/2 ounce 100% cacao chips

Instructions

• Mix them together
• Eat over the course of a day
• :D

Like, this looks goooooooodddd. Next time, I'm going to add some raisins or dried cranberries. Maybe some other dried fruits. It needs some sugar to pick me up. But I make this for work 1-2 times a week and I'll eat a little every 30 minutes or so to keep me not hungry :).

Lost Connections: Mystery Man

I brought along my laptop to vacation because I was determined that I was going to keep you guys updated about my time in Europe.

Then I got there and yeah, well, no. It's not that I didn't want to, but my day to day was not nearly as exciting as I thought it would be.

Unfortunately I did not meet an international popstar in Italy or my doppelgänger. Plus, nobody gave me a hunkin' huge piece of cheese.

Nor did I want to constantly complain about my parents and talk about the history I do not know about the monuments we visited, so I decided to scrap the project.

But then I met a guy... I'm laughing because if you personally know me, my greatest/weirdest/most WTF stories usually involve one of two elements: boys or alcohol. Some stories involve both and it is just too much to handle, for reals.

So I met a guy. HE WAS PERFECT (for a short term fling while on vacation.) He said he graduated from Columbia University in NYC on a basketball scholarship. Then he said he was going to Columbia Law to study international and maritime law. Normally, I don't usually question what people tell me unless they have a reason to lie. I really don't think I'm a person who looks like I need to be impressed by big names: heck, people still think I'm in high school! And it's not like where I told him where I go to school, so it's not like he needed to up me. I guess you can be whoever you want to be on vacation, but if you're going to be somebody else, you should do some research.

First rule of tall tales: make sure it can't be easily falsified. Easy google search of his name, Columbia, basketball roster turned up nothing. Like, absolutely nothing. I don't normally stalk guys on Google unless I want something more than a one week fling, but his story just wasn't adding up. I go to a school that incites some serious reactions from people. I don't know why, it just does. So when I eventually told him where I went, he was like "Oh. Where's that? Oh. Okay......?"

Yeah, no, huge red flag right there.

For the sake of his attractiveness, the fact that (some) intellectual things actually came out of his mouth, and his hips moving in a godly way, I ignored this first red flag and continued pursuing him. Nothing happened between us (because I'm lame and do a thing where I avidly avoid people.) But then after our second encounter and another red flag (the fact that he said he studied political science but didn't know Obama was in his second term... dude) I made my friends investigate. When they turned up nothing, I became rly 'spicious.

Part of me was like "HE SKETCHY HE A SERIAL KILLER HE SHADY SHIT" but the other part of me was like "This guy who looks extremely attractive with a body of 8/10 and amazing dance moves is talking to ME." So I pushed things away because a hot guy was talking to me.

You know, I should really work on my self-confidence. What if he preys on girls who think less of themselves like me and then kills them? If I had died, I would have wanted Keke Palmer or Gabrielle Union to play me in the Lifetime movie.

Even with all these red flags, I was still kinda infatuated by him. At the moment, I was not 100% sure he was lying. It wasn't until I did my own research (because my friends didn't know what he looked him) that I was like "THAT DIRTY LIAR." Yet, still, he continues to be on my mind, as made evident by the fact that I am writing a blog entry about him.

So, if you know this man, please let me know. I have a few words I'd like to tell him.

Paleo Kitchen: Fried Cauliflower Rice

This shit ain't pretty, but it's yummy, so that's truly all that matters in this case.

I have HATED cauliflower up until I went paleo. Now, I tolerate it, but I can only do so if it is prepared well. So, I decided to make some fried rice with it. It was a little bit soft, but I'll work on that. If you decide to make this and you have tips, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. Kk, thanks.

Cauliflower Fried Rice 

Ingredients (for 3-4 people)

• 6 ounces of organic mixed veggies (mine have corn, peas, beans, carrots, but you can usually whatever you want. My mother likes it with lima beans and broccoli. Low-key, I'd rather starve than eat those. YUCK.)
• 1 cup uncooked cauliflower rice (made by shredding a cauliflower)
• 1 chicken breast, cooked, cut into small cubes
• 1 chicken sausage link, cooked, cut into small pieces
• 4 cloves minced garlic
• 1 ounce onions
• Sea Salt
• 1-2 tbsp tamari sauce
• 2 eggs
• 2 tbsp olive oil 

Instructions 

• Heat up 1 tbsp of olive oil in a wok on medium heat
• Add the garlic and the onions and let cook for 3-4 minutes
• Add the mixed veggies and let cook for 3 minutes.
• Then add the chicken breast and sausage. 
• Sprinkle some salt.
• Push to one side of the wok and scramble your eggs on the other side. You want your eggs to be cooked and then cut into smaller pieces before mixing it with your stir fry.
• Add a tablespoon of the tamari sauce and then remove the stir fry mixture and place on a plate or in a bowl.
• Heat up another tbsp of olive oil before adding the cauliflower rice. Add some salt. Cook for 4-5 minutes.
• On high heat, add a tbsp of tamari sauce and mix until the rice is a light brown.
• Add the stir fry and mix until it looks even.
• Cook over high heat for another minute or two, making sure to keep on mixing it every now and then.

Look. Yum. It's comfort food,  but it's made out of organic food and cauliflower.

:D