I'm a Mess

And it is so easy to point my finger and blame a multitude of things, but honestly, it's just me.

Let me give you an example, aka my whole night last night...

So I went out. We had a mixer with this reinstated frat. They went away for a while and now they're back. So in this fraternity, there is this one guy that I find very cute and super nice that I kind of met 2 weeks ago. I did not get a chance to talk to him during their fraternity date function because he had his date and I had mine and I was having self-confidence issues and whatever. BUT, (after a lot of running away and people forcing me to talk to him) I finally did talk to him.

But. Let me recount to you my night as to why I'm a mess...

1. I forgot to wash my dishes and take out the trash when I went away for fall break...
2. I took a nap in the wrong position and it messed up the curls I worked really hard to work for.
3. I dropped my cup while slipping over a wet patch.
4. I went over to the pregame, talked to guy #1, apologized profusely for being drunk
5. Talked to guy #2, and just laughed the whole time.
6. Ran away from the one guy I liked.
7. Talked to some of the other guys I met last time and they all judged me drinking a lot (whatever. It was one of those nights.)
8. Finally talked to the one guy again. WORD VOMIT FOR DAYS. Told him about my dead grandfather, that I'm ready to settle down, and that I like to word vomit, then justify it, then apologize, and then explain why I word vomit. It is kind of horrendous.

Like. I just want to just blame my friends for leaving me and not coming with me, but it isn't their fault. I should have known better, I should have done better. 

But I have a huge crush on him, but I know it wouldn't work out. He seems so... perfect. Nicer than he is attractive? What. There needs to be a flaw. I will always obsess over what his flaw is. But this point is moot because we aren't even friends yet and I have no idea where this will ever go anywhere because apparently he is not one to pursue girls because he is so nice and naive???

Ugh. What to do, what to do?