Lost Connections: Mystery Man

I brought along my laptop to vacation because I was determined that I was going to keep you guys updated about my time in Europe.

Then I got there and yeah, well, no. It's not that I didn't want to, but my day to day was not nearly as exciting as I thought it would be.

Unfortunately I did not meet an international popstar in Italy or my doppelgänger. Plus, nobody gave me a hunkin' huge piece of cheese.

Nor did I want to constantly complain about my parents and talk about the history I do not know about the monuments we visited, so I decided to scrap the project.

But then I met a guy... I'm laughing because if you personally know me, my greatest/weirdest/most WTF stories usually involve one of two elements: boys or alcohol. Some stories involve both and it is just too much to handle, for reals.

So I met a guy. HE WAS PERFECT (for a short term fling while on vacation.) He said he graduated from Columbia University in NYC on a basketball scholarship. Then he said he was going to Columbia Law to study international and maritime law. Normally, I don't usually question what people tell me unless they have a reason to lie. I really don't think I'm a person who looks like I need to be impressed by big names: heck, people still think I'm in high school! And it's not like where I told him where I go to school, so it's not like he needed to up me. I guess you can be whoever you want to be on vacation, but if you're going to be somebody else, you should do some research.

First rule of tall tales: make sure it can't be easily falsified. Easy google search of his name, Columbia, basketball roster turned up nothing. Like, absolutely nothing. I don't normally stalk guys on Google unless I want something more than a one week fling, but his story just wasn't adding up. I go to a school that incites some serious reactions from people. I don't know why, it just does. So when I eventually told him where I went, he was like "Oh. Where's that? Oh. Okay......?"

Yeah, no, huge red flag right there.

For the sake of his attractiveness, the fact that (some) intellectual things actually came out of his mouth, and his hips moving in a godly way, I ignored this first red flag and continued pursuing him. Nothing happened between us (because I'm lame and do a thing where I avidly avoid people.) But then after our second encounter and another red flag (the fact that he said he studied political science but didn't know Obama was in his second term... dude) I made my friends investigate. When they turned up nothing, I became rly 'spicious.

Part of me was like "HE SKETCHY HE A SERIAL KILLER HE SHADY SHIT" but the other part of me was like "This guy who looks extremely attractive with a body of 8/10 and amazing dance moves is talking to ME." So I pushed things away because a hot guy was talking to me.

You know, I should really work on my self-confidence. What if he preys on girls who think less of themselves like me and then kills them? If I had died, I would have wanted Keke Palmer or Gabrielle Union to play me in the Lifetime movie.

Even with all these red flags, I was still kinda infatuated by him. At the moment, I was not 100% sure he was lying. It wasn't until I did my own research (because my friends didn't know what he looked him) that I was like "THAT DIRTY LIAR." Yet, still, he continues to be on my mind, as made evident by the fact that I am writing a blog entry about him.

So, if you know this man, please let me know. I have a few words I'd like to tell him.

Aesthetic Norms: Couples

We tend to appreciate things that fit together and look beautiful together. One of the most beautiful things (for me) is to see a perfect couple. There is something about the aesthetics that is just wonderful. Take an average girl and an average boy. Both slightly attractive, both their average height, features, etc... But put them together and for some reason their averageness cancels out and together they look more attractive because the other half enhanced them in a way.

Like if you take a super hot girl and a super hot guy and couple them (assuming they are physically compatible, like undertones and sharpness of features and body), that is almost too much hot to handle. Like how could a couple be that hot? It simply isn't fair.

Even if you take two very ugly people and couple them, together they still look better than if they were single.

If you take one ugly person and one hot person and couple them... What happens? The ugly looks uglier and the hot looks hotter because of the stark comparison between the two.

There is a point to this blog, I swear. I'm thinking about this because there is just this really cute guy that I met. He is cute, funny, smart (both books and streets), ambitious, upper/upper-middle class, high earning potential, loves kids, friendly. interesting, and have I mentioned he is cute? Also... the way his eyes sparkle when he talks about something he likes or is just very interested in what someone has to say and he gets those cute side eye crinkles when he smiles and laughs genuinely. Like... Obviously there's something wrong with him, like he must hate puppies or is a psychopath because nobody is seemingly that perfect.

He's tall but not super tall. Maybe he's like 6', give or take an inch. Probably take an inch. He has a nice tanned complexion and rich brown hair and light eyes. I don't know if they're blue or green. I have convinced myself that I stare into them, he's going to entrap me and kill me. But he's also lean and fit. (I just Facebook stalked him and I think that they are blue?)

Anyways. Like I said. There's a point. Here it is: ARE WE PHYSICALLY COMPATIBLE?

Let's say he decided to hardcore flirt and pursue me, I would always second guess myself. All the time. I think I'm pretty from time to time (either my face has gained 10 pounds, or I am just always contouring that I actually don't know what my face really looks like) and I like my body sometimes. I woke up this morning and felt body happy. I also slept with just underwear. And I took seductive pictures of my 90% naked body while laying down. (Yes mom/dad/sister/cousin/friend/family, I made sure to delete them off of my phone. I'm trying to run for senator in about 30 years, I know how the internet works.)

Let's recap: I FELT BODY HAPPY! Let's continue: but then the boy popped into my mind and I felt body conscious.

So, back to my example... Let's say he decided to pursue me, I just wouldn't do it because body compatibility. I feel as if I'm too big for him. I feel if I dropped 2-3 sizes, then I would probably be okay. Even if he wouldn't mind me, I would still feel self conscious because I am an over thinker and I assume everybody can be as shallow as me at times.

(Side bar, for somebody who can be superficial and shallow, I would feel as if I would be tinier, but like I said, I also kinda don't care about my body? I'll care in the real world post-college if I'm still single lol. I only say this because how can one be nitpicky about other's body flaws if you're not damn close to perfect yourself? Anyways, that is just my thought on the matter.)

ANYWAYS... I would still feel self conscious because what if people are like "but he's too hot for her? but why them?" PLOT TWIST THEY ACTUALLY SAY "but she's too hot for him!" #LifeGoals but also not because if I can land a hot guy (as hot as me, obvi, because of my theory I listed above) who is also smart and ambitious and loves kids and puppies and social and high earning potential and smart and hot and nice and wonderful and not a psychopath, then hell yeah I want him.

Do you know what's funny? I'm rambling and writing this (I made myself a pledge to never actually reread my rants and organize them. I will proofread for spelling errors and some grammar, but I won't actually go back and move around paragraphs or sentences because I want you to follow my thinking and I kind of want you to understand me on that level) and like I actually don't see what the problem is.

Except for the fact that I have just mentally set a goal for myself to drop 2 sizes and become even prettier.

I feel like there are so many cute guys out there and I'm like "omg I'm cute you are cute we should bang bang and get dinner and watch Netflix!" and then I'm like "Okay brb let me drop 2 sizes and then we could physically compatible. Stay there. Don't move. I'll see you soon." and then I'm like "I'll see you never, love me for who I am!" and then I'm like "FUCK okay yeah I'll lose weight but not for you, just for me. Bye, rich homie."

Honestly. All I want is to be in a cute relationship and take cute pictures and have people be like "oh, my god, they are SOOOO CUTE #LIFE GOALS!" And to be in a collectively cute relationship, I need to follow my couples theory I listed above.

Feel me?

No? That's okay.

Yes? Awesome.